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Post by a on Mar 3, 2005 9:51:43 GMT
Ok I have decided to run another competition. Just to liven things up (and help me in my crisis).
The last time I offered you a practical lesson in esoterics, which some of you found useful, and others perhaps missed. And some may have been upset that I gave such a practical lesson publicly.
This time I am being selfish. Though not serious. I want to see who makes me laugh by coming up with the answer to:-
"In an ideal world what job would Stewart be best suited to doing?"
The person who offers the answer that I find most amusing and original, will receive a small box of magic tricks.
Closing date - sometime soon.
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sarge
Member
peace and harmony
Posts: 224
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Post by sarge on Mar 3, 2005 10:25:53 GMT
chief taster in a distillery
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Post by forester on Mar 3, 2005 10:58:35 GMT
Coach to the English RFU - They couldn't do any worse
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Post by leonardo on Mar 3, 2005 12:37:03 GMT
"In an ideal world what job would Stewart be best suited to doing?" A Guru.
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Post by a on Mar 3, 2005 14:24:15 GMT
I should warn you of a major change in the rules.
My wife has agreed to pick the winner depending on which answer she finds most amusing and original.
Thought it fairer than me picking.
And complaints see my complaints department aka Leo.
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Post by middlepillar on Mar 3, 2005 15:02:36 GMT
Stewart,
I once thought that nobody could have such an interesting and different job as I had which was clearing the shark nets off of Durban Beach, this is not my suggestion for you however.
After a very good friend of mine told me what the most unusual job he had had, it left me jaw dropped, because he told me he was a professional W@nker!
He used to be the W@nker of Turkeys at a Turkey breeding farm. In fact he developed the technique that is used today. This is why I think it would be an ideal job.
You have to hold the C@ck Turkey very calmly but firmly and you stroke around its 'bits' very gently and talk soothingly to it, (importantly you yourself must be 'at one' with the Turkey) And as soon as the action is upon you you have to be quick as lighting not to lose anything!
Ideal job for you, lots of calm very much before the storm!
BTW my friend says he can arrange a job interview for you if you fancy a crack ;D
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Post by a on Mar 3, 2005 15:28:10 GMT
Middlepillar
I am cracking up.... ;D, seriously cracking up. Have you ever considered a career in alternative comedy?
Oh my ribs...but don't worry folks it is the wife who will be choosing the winner, so keep those entries rolling in.
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Post by forester on Mar 3, 2005 16:05:36 GMT
BTW my friend says he can arrange a job interview for you if you fancy a CRACK ;D It's a good job you can spell !!!!
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Post by leonardo on Mar 3, 2005 17:05:25 GMT
Chris, you're an absolute genius. Is this story genuine?
Stewart if this is true you should seriously consider going for it. Because, and let's face it, you would never have any trouble PULLING THE BIRDS again ;D ;D
The only competition that has ever been successful for me was one I organised myself - I got second prize! ;D
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Post by a on Mar 3, 2005 17:37:38 GMT
I know that I am going to regret saying this, but I did spend a summer while I was at University working in a.....chicken factory.
(The butchery in case you were wondering.)
So I do have some industry experience. Perhaps I should have kept that quiet.
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staffs
Administrator
Staffs
Posts: 3,295
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Post by staffs on Mar 3, 2005 17:55:34 GMT
Stewart ,that last post was a poultry remark which i found to be quite fowl. ;D ;D
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staffs
Administrator
Staffs
Posts: 3,295
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Post by staffs on Mar 3, 2005 17:56:47 GMT
Scared of trying a new job Stewart,
NO your are no chicken or spring chicken come to that.
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Post by leonardo on Mar 3, 2005 17:58:50 GMT
So I do have some industry experience. Perhaps I should have kept that quiet. All I can say is you're a far braver man than me ;D I can't wait for Ruff's response to this thread
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staffs
Administrator
Staffs
Posts: 3,295
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Post by staffs on Mar 3, 2005 18:13:27 GMT
I think you should be an Electrician.
by doing this job you would get to sort out all the Positives and Negatives and when completed you can then flick the switch and see the light.
make sure you are Earthed properley when you do.
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Post by a on Mar 3, 2005 18:41:55 GMT
Staffs
Did you ever see Dinotopia? I liked their way of illumination. Anyone got one of those big clear rocks handy?
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Post by a on Mar 4, 2005 14:33:43 GMT
Any more entries?
I will offer a second similar prize if my wife chooses Middlepillars entry.
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Post by atarnaris on Mar 4, 2005 18:44:18 GMT
In an ideal world you would be Councilor to the US President.
I know this will not make you laugh, but it might make you smile.
I am not renowned for my humour...
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Post by a on Mar 5, 2005 8:11:13 GMT
Final chance, for my next post, later today, will be to announce the winner.
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Post by taylorsman on Mar 5, 2005 10:33:14 GMT
The Next Pope. Seriously!The present one is on his last legs and will probably be gone by the end of the year, he may see this Easter, I doubt he will see this Christmas.
Stewart has both a deep compassion for his fellow humans and an inate Spirituality and a wish to "do good" in the non-perjorative meaning of that expression. His being married with kids should be no bar as not only would this mean a far more rounded individual able to properly understand the joys and sorrows of family life as no Celebate ever can, but the RC Church has just ordained a married man in Scotland. I feel that "Pope Stewart" would then have the vehicle to help the World as he has often stated .
Do I see a puff of white smoke from the chimney of Didcot Power Station?
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Post by a on Mar 5, 2005 10:48:58 GMT
Thank you all "her who must be obeyed has spoken"
I have enjoyed reading your suggestions and some have made me laugh, some have made me smile, and some have made me think.
My wife has chosen:-
Middlepillar.
However as Middlepillar won the last competition she also picked Sarge.
So, Middlepillar, I will post a different selection of items to you on Monday, and Sarge, if you want to email me your address I will send your prize to you.
Thanks for taking part everyone.
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