|
Post by a on Jun 28, 2005 18:34:05 GMT
On another thread Taylorsman saidTo anyone whose life has been ruined by such men, or who are currently suffering as a result of them, could I recommend a book written by a chap who is a pioneer in the anti-bullying field. He has I understand advised the likes of the Prison Service and Police forces on bullying. Tim Field "Bully In Sight" Success Unlimited.ISBN: 0952912104 Bully in Sight: How to predict, resist, challenge, and combat workplace bullying - overcominng the silence and denial by which abuse thrives. You can buy it from amazon, but please buy from his website if you can, www.successunlimited.co.uk/. And no I am not on commission. But he is a friend.
|
|
|
Post by penfold on Jun 28, 2005 19:31:31 GMT
Stewart
I've moved this book recommendation to it's correct place, hope you don't mind.
Penfold
|
|
|
Post by a on Jun 28, 2005 20:21:51 GMT
Penfold
Not all all.
The book has sold over 10000 copies, in 30 countries. A treasure for practical advice.
It is a scary book though for it makes you see bullying in a sharper light. And offers tools to deal with it and rebuild your life. Bullies unfortuantely wreck lives.
Personally I think that, given Taylorssman's comment, UGLE should not only be seen to, but actually make real efforts to stamp it out. Mind you I first asked UGLE to sort this one out in 2003. Has anyone seen any improvements since then?
Whatever happened to harmony in the lodges concerned? (remember it may be the odd bad apple, but think of the barrel and how it can be spoilt).
|
|
staffs
Administrator
Staffs
Posts: 3,295
|
Post by staffs on Jun 28, 2005 20:37:23 GMT
I have never seen any bullying during my short time as a mason.
|
|
|
Post by taylorsman on Jun 29, 2005 4:51:18 GMT
Lee, I wish I could say the same!
In nearly 17 years I have encountered a couple of Masonic Bullies. DC / Perceptor is usually their Office of choice though a few Secretaries can be of that type too. Now I have never experienced one who used physical force though I have heard it alleged, but have come across the type who resorts to emotional and psychological bullying. The type who when a man who is NOT a natural Ritualist , and perhaps is a nervous type, tries his best to perform some part of a Ceremony and doesn't quite get it right . will mock his efforts and put him down, possibly in front of others in the bar afterwards. Or there is the type of Preceptor who shouts and moans and makes a big issue our of some piffling point of detail at the LOI and which would go unnoticed by most people and puts the WM and others off at the actual Ceremony by breaking their confidence. (No wonder many Brethern do not attend LOI). Or the man who has got a high honour and throws his weight about. Being initiated as a Freemason should bring out the best in a man but alas it doesn't always work and some remain as they were and even find in Lodge an extra outlet for their negative aspects.
I came across such a man who even had the cheek to phone me at home and DEMAND I attend a Meeting I had already apologised for and had that apology accepted by the then WM. I tod him where to go and offered to re-arrange his internal plumbing so his rectum joined his windpipe and his mouth could truly output what he figuratively spoke! I had no more problems with him but weaker personalities might have crumbled.
The ace that the bullies, be they at School, Work, the Armed Forces, or Lodge, can play is that victims will hide it and others will deny it happens at all. Alas it does, sometimes with tragic consequencies for the victim as recent incidents with schoolkids have shown, and like any institution Freemasonry has its bullies too, albeit only a few.
BTW One of the reasons I would like to see reading of Ritual allowed to those who cannot learn it parrot fashion is that it would deprive the bullies of one of their weapons.
|
|
|
Post by a on Jun 29, 2005 6:40:28 GMT
One Preceptor or secretary who is a bully, will affect he quality of masonic life of many, not to mention the reputation of Freemasonry as those who are "wasted" or "disgusted" leave and gossip.
Perhpas Grand Lodge needs to hold its hand out to these men and offer education in what being a Freemason means? And if they don't respond then perhaps they should be expelled for bringing the Craft into disrepute? Guidance should also be available so that those bullied can gain the proper Masonic support in their time of need.
I am aware of the tactics of bullies and how they can present a charming external and upwards face of "doing the right thing", but this is no excuse. Bullying is a disease, a rot, and unless the conspiracy theorists are indeed correct, it has no place in Freemasonry. So why allow it to have a place and continue its internal erosion?
If I were in the chain gang I would be tacking this head on. But I am not, so I can't. I wonder why the chain gang let it exist?
|
|
|
Post by waynecowley on Jun 29, 2005 12:23:42 GMT
We had a few incidents in our lodge recently which lead to the WM and me arranging for it to be raised at the next Committee meeting as part of a discussion on the future of the lodge.
The Brother concerned seemed quite shocked that he had caused offence and I understand he telephoned a number of our missing brethren that were not attending due to offence caused and I applaud him for doing so. One of our long missing brethren returned at our last lodge last week and I understand a few more may be returning after the summer break.
Sometimes it is not bullying but over eagerness to deliver perfection that is to blame - though not always easy to discern which is which
Wayne
|
|
bod
Member
UGLE - MM (London), MMM RAM(Middx), OSM (London)
Posts: 1,296
|
Post by bod on Jun 29, 2005 13:07:51 GMT
You've got it spot on right there Wayne, these people are very often over enthusiastic rather than malicious, and some people are simply quite easily upset - Stewart has admitted he would be one who would fall into this category. This sort of co-ercion or verbal bullying is rife in all aspects of life, freemaosnry is not alone, and it is found considerably less there than it is in other areas of life, areas where you would reasonably expect higher standards. One only has to look at the activities of Prescot, Blair, etc in the recent events in Wales and London - when they didn't get there own way they resorted to intimidation and threats - because they knew their argument wasn't strong enough.
Stewart, perhaps you should enter politics and change things from the top down? Much more useful to society than trying to influence the activites of GL.
|
|
|
Post by a on Jun 29, 2005 16:29:33 GMT
You've got it spot on right there Wayne, these people are very often over enthusiastic rather than malicious, and some people are simply quite easily upset - Stewart has admitted he would be one who would fall into this category. Indeed. But look at the example of Waynes lodge. Several non attendees, unnecessarily. Those men lost out. The Lodge lost out. Now through a bit of guidance and no doubt internal work on the part of the brother at the focus, and things are getting better. We all need guidance now and again. One lesson from this is to consider why the situation was left to fester, why did no one take the chap aside at an earlier stage? (no offense Wayne) If they had the problem could have been nipped in the bud. However alls well that ends well. And an example which could be used as a case study for the benefit of other lodges possibly? Yes, but, remember UGLE Lodges often hold themself out to "make good men better". There is no where that bullying can be part of this. A bully is not a good man, and bullying will not make a man better. It may make him a yes man however. I have toyed with the idea of politics but I am too sensitive. Yes we do need strong leadership from the top. But to eradicate bullying will take everyone to open their hearts, and that is a bottom up approach. Hopefully the two combined will meet in the middle and balloon into success. I would however be quite happy with the UNs secretary generals job! Anyone got an application form handy?
|
|
|
Post by taylorsman on Jun 29, 2005 19:44:42 GMT
I would however be quite happy with the UNs secretary general's job!
Now THERE'S an idea! Koffi Edwards? Stewart Annan? You may as well for all the good the existing holder of that office is achieving. The only one I can remember making any impact was Kurt Waldheim! (Vot did you do in ze war Herr Secretary General?)
|
|
ruffashlar
Member
Lodge Milncroft No. 1515 (GLoS), Govanhill Royal Arch Chapter 523 (S.G.R.A.C.S.)
Posts: 2,184
|
Post by ruffashlar on Jun 30, 2005 7:06:00 GMT
"Not many people know it, but ze Führer voss a terrific dancer."
|
|
bod
Member
UGLE - MM (London), MMM RAM(Middx), OSM (London)
Posts: 1,296
|
Post by bod on Jun 30, 2005 7:47:14 GMT
It all really boils down to communication, the guys at the lodge in question should have spoken to the chap sooner, the ones who were upset should have spoke up and the chap himself should be more attuned to the reactions and sensibilities of others. Yes, it is a crying shame that masons don't listen to the lessons and morality of freemasonry more, but it is people we are talking about - with all the frailties and failings that humans have.
You also have to accept the fact that the concept of bullying that we know today is a relatively new one, and one that is changing and developing, and we have to allow time to educate people to the 'new way'.
One only has to listen to the rantings of mittel englanders about how the country is full and we shouldn't accept asylum seekers, etc, etc, to realise how much work is still to be done in educating people....
|
|
|
Post by waynecowley on Jun 30, 2005 7:59:43 GMT
Indeed. But look at the example of Waynes lodge. Several non attendees, unnecessarily. Those men lost out. The Lodge lost out. Now through a bit of guidance and no doubt internal work on the part of the brother at the focus, and things are getting better. We all need guidance now and again. One lesson from this is to consider why the situation was left to fester, why did no one take the chap aside at an earlier stage? (no offense Wayne) If they had the problem could have been nipped in the bud. However alls well that ends well. And an example which could be used as a case study for the benefit of other lodges possibly? No offense taken Stewart - the reason it was not addressed earlier was partly because the common thread had not become apparent and partly it had taken the WM and myself a little time to formulate a course of action to deal with it - had we got it wrong we could have split the lodge Wayne
|
|
|
Post by a on Jun 30, 2005 8:11:38 GMT
Bod I agree completely. To develop on from your thoughts It all really boils down to communication, Agreed, in this specific case. So the guys concerned need to do some internal work to establish why they didn't. This will help them ensure that the situation never rearrises. Given that there were several individuals who non attended as a result of this one chap, it would be valuable for the lodge to recognise why they didn't - its it a cultural thing that needs to be overcome? Indeed but it sounds like he has done the internal work and taken a positive step, which is what it is about. He should find that if he keeps listening he will grow enormously from this, though he may not fully appreciate this for a few years. This is not an excuse. Yes we are only human, but Freemasons, especially UGLE Freemasons, where lodges tend to hold themself out as taking good men and making them better, can't rely on this excuse. Unless the words are mere marketing puff to bolster egos. If Freemasons don't listen to the lessons of Freemasonry then perhaps they should leave and join the local amateur dramatics society, instead of devaluing something rather special. We all make mistakes and err from time to time, it is part of the experience of life and a major way that we can learn. But as soon as you use the excuse of "human nature" it opens the gates for damage to become widespread, as the darkness flows. As Maat recently said being a true Freemason is not easy and it does take work. Agreed. I would imagine that it is especially difficult for the elder Freemasons who came from a public school environment, where I hear life can at some schools be somewhat tough (especially 50 years ago, when the current powers will have been through the system). However times change, humanity evolves. You either evolve or become marginalised or extinct.
|
|
|
Post by a on Jun 30, 2005 8:13:06 GMT
No offense taken Stewart - the reason it was not addressed earlier was partly because the common thread had not become apparent and partly it had taken the WM and myself a little time to formulate a course of action to deal with it - had we got it wrong we could have split the lodgeWayne I am very very impressed by how you handled this situation Wayne. It really should be used as a case study for other lodges to emulate.
|
|
|
Post by waynecowley on Jun 30, 2005 8:22:46 GMT
Too early to tell if has worked yet Stewart
Ask me in a year or so
Wayne
|
|
bod
Member
UGLE - MM (London), MMM RAM(Middx), OSM (London)
Posts: 1,296
|
Post by bod on Jun 30, 2005 8:28:19 GMT
Not an excuse Stewart - its an acceptance of fact. And although you accept that freemasonry has valuable moral lessons and should be viewed as a means of self improvement, to some of it's members it's a social thing that raises money for charity. I'm not about to tell them to leave freemasonry - would you?
|
|
giovanni
Member
odi profanum vulgus, et arceo
Posts: 2,627
|
Post by giovanni on Jun 30, 2005 8:55:23 GMT
I'm not about to tell them to leave freemasonry - would you? Oh Yes! because they "spoil the chain", as we say here in Italy
|
|
|
Post by taylorsman on Jun 30, 2005 8:59:38 GMT
" I'm not about to tell them to leave freemasonry - would you? " Bod.
YES! I'd sling them out on their ar5es , to give them a taste of their own medicine and for the reason Giovanni gives. We simply do not NEED such men!
|
|
|
Post by a on Jun 30, 2005 9:11:01 GMT
And although you accept that freemasonry has valuable moral lessons and should be viewed as a means of self improvement, to some of it's members it's a social thing that raises money for charity. I'm not about to tell them to leave freemasonry - would you? I am not knocking the social side, I am sure that it offers great comfort and companionship to many, nor the charitable giving. But when these Freemasons don't recognise the moral lesson side of Freemasonry, I question why they joined Freemasonry. I question why their brothers have not gently guided them so that they can see all of the beauty and wonder that they are missing, and I question why some are allowed to quote Taylorsman "Haze" fellow Freemasons. Elsewhere I have heard the term "Freaks" being used with respect to esoteric Freemasons by social clubbers. If someone just wants a social club then fine, hopefully the lessons will sink in through osmosis, but such social clubbers should never be allowed to spoil Freemasonry for those who can see its inner beauty. So would I tell them to leave Freemasonry? If I were in a position to act, I would do the following:- 1. Offer an amnesty on past wrongdoings. 2. Filter education down into lodges, through brief statements to be read in lodge, correspondence to each member, etc, explaining and attempting to touch hearts. 3. Make it very clear that bullying, hazing, being intolerant in any way to those Freemasons who do enjoy the inner beauty of Freemasonry, would no longer be tolerated. 4. I would attempt education on a first offense, and possibly a second, but after that it would be suspension/expulsion. 5. Such intolerant behaviour is no less than an internal rot. If you just want to be a social clubber then fine, but don't spoil it through antimasonic behaviour for those who do seek more. If you can't abide by the tenets that you agree to, then you should not be a member. But equally Freemasonry is Universal, and its light should be available to anyone who is prepared to work. And not have it spoilt by bullies.
|
|