Crossbow, the hospital staff initially though it was severe depression accompanied by an episode of psychosis. The psychiatrist that I went to see after I got out of the hospital believed it to be bipolar disorder. And yes, I was prescribed medication. That being said, I believe this was a spiritual problem, not a psychological one. To be more concise, I believe it was a spiritual problem that resulted in psychological problems, although many probably won't listen to my opinion on this matter being that I was admitted to a mental hospital. The average psychologist most likely knows nothing of the occult and therefore is only examining what happened on a psychological basis, not on a spiritual basis. I have heard that Dion Fortune's occult mentor Theodore Moriarty tended to a wide variety of psycho-spiritual problems. It probably would have been useful to have someone like that in the situation that I was going through.
I have smoked cannabis before but not on a regular basis. That being said, I didn't smoke during any period leading up to the episode of hospitalization. There is somewhat of a family history of mental illness though, as my mother suffered from post-partum psychosis.
Post by billmcelligott on Jun 6, 2015 12:06:45 GMT
Reality like beauty is in the eye or mind of the beholder.
I am an old fashioned kinda person , I have to take some 16 to 20 tablets, drugs a day just to stay alive. I have no concept of why anyone would put anything in their body for fun.
This I know. Just becuse a person may be struggling, it does not matter why it just matters that those who can hold out the hand of friendship to help. While lets say an alchoholic has to admit he is an alchoholic, blame does not help the giver or the recipient.
sometimes just to listen is helping.
If those on this forum can help in any way then that is a good day.
Bill McElligott [PPGASwdB - PPGASoj] firstname.lastname@example.org - skype: lodgeroomint The Masonic Brotherhood of The Blue Forget-Me-Not
Your family history is significant. Increasingly all sorts of conditions and predispositions are being shown to be genetically influenced. Psychosis can certainly arise from post-partum depression, major depression, schizoid syndrome, and bi-polar, particularly during the upper or energetic part of the cycle. Cannabis is increasingly being linked to psychosis and other mental health problems, including delusions, hallucinations, fanciful thinking, lethargy, disorganisation, and inability to organise and manifest outcomes in life - what used to be called pipe dreamer's syndrome. The detrimental effects are long term, so not smoking just prior or during the illness does not mean cannabis was not a contributing factor.
I advise clean living; do not smoke cannabis again. You now know for certain that you are susceptible to psychosis, and smoking cannabis and/or taking other drugs is likely to push you towards psychosis again. If you talked with other patients while in the psych hospital you may have learnt or observed that most had illicit drug histories. Alcohol too is not helpful, as it can contribute to depression. In small and occasional doses it might not harm, depending on the individual and medications being taken. But no dose of cannabis or other drugs is safe for those who have experienced psychosis. One smoke can set off psychosis again.
I suggest not indulging too much in abstract thought, such as thinking about fanciful and occult matters. Rather, solid wholesome and creative activities which you can see and touch and physically involve yourself in, like sports, games, arts, crafts of any sort. These unite mind and body. If you are interested in spirituality and spiritual discipline I would suggest avoid occult and mystic type groups and reading. Practicing traditional virtues like honesty, kindness towards others and wholesome living is spiritual growth in itself. Being a friend to others, with no expectations upon them, is spiritual practice and growth. I have seen many people with mental health problems and with lives that have been in disarray, improve and become strong, clean living and spiritual people through involvement in the charismatic type Christian churches. And make genuine good friends who help each other. From what I have seen, their recovery and spiritual growth is true, strong and healthy. There is also a self help mental health group called "Grow" which might have branches near you, I don't know. It is one of the better mental health self help organisations with a good record. Also, there is Narcotics Anonymous, of which you don't have to be a frequent drug user to join, but just have had some issues with drugs, or even just be interested in sitting in. Being in company with, and making connections with groups who are making a genuine and practical effort to improve themselves is a great benefit. The friendship, support and encouragement from others is most helpful. It is also beneficial to witness and learn how self help groups work. Mainstream Freemasonry too is also helpful. It is solid, structured, down to earth and practical. It unites mind and body towards simple spiritual living. It also provides healthy contact and connections with other men, and can build good and reliable friendships. I suggest avoiding groups that claim to focus on esoteric masonry. You may have noticed in your stay in hospital that many of the patients have occult type interests along with their drug use histories. To assist your healing you need to keep body and mind united and working together. And focused wholesomely and healthily on the material world. Practice activities that do that for you. When just using the mind, such as thinking about things, practice making it structured thinking, imagining and thinking about real things, not fanciful abstract things like occult musings. In other words, practice being as ordinary as you can, down to earth, practical hobbies and interests, and being helpful, kind and friendly to others, develop healthy friendships with people who encourage each other to live well. You may find such people in mainstream freemasonry, in the churches, in self help groups, community service groups, particular interest groups where the interest is a healthy and wholesome one, and other places too. These solid, practical and healthy followings will help facilitate your recovery to good mental health.
Other people in life may suggest or hint at other paths, other helpful suggestions, and unhelpful and even harmful suggestions too, even grandiose, fanciful or occult suggestions. They may encourage you to indulge the fanciful part of your mind which is unwise to do. Remember, your mind has been injured, it needs to heal, and will take time and nurturing. Just like a bad physical injury to a knee or other joint, it must always be looked after for ever more, guarded against reoccurrence. Don't follow fools. Think carefully and talk things over with others who you trust and admire for their good sense. Then do what seems most sensible to do.
Wishing you the best.
Last Edit: Jun 7, 2015 6:48:35 GMT by crossbow: for clarity and to put in an extra point
Thank you for the reply Crossbow. However I've made it out and am alive once more. But as far as your reply goes, why not focus on esoteric masonry? Are you afraid that the esoteric aspect will trigger another psychotic episode?
Yes, that is the reason. The esoteric arts are only for strong minds. The subject matter is inherently mentally risky. As I previously mentioned, psych units are full of people with drug histories and fascinations with mysticism/occult.
Some such occult and esoteric groups are rife with fantasists, dreamers who live in an imaginative world not knowing where reality ends and their own fantasies begins. Elitism infects such mindsets and groups, believing they are somehow more or higher than mundane people. Grandiose ideas are common amongst them and in their groups, and they are quick to encourage fantasy and grandiosity in the mind of anyone in whom they think it will take seed. Look back and see there is an example of such behaviour by the poster immediately after you posted with your problem. They don't care for your mental health, they only care for their elitism and your approval of it.
Join them if you will. Let them tell you that your mental illness is really you being mysteriously "called to be a best-selling author", or tell you that you are an awakening esoteric master, and they are the elite ones who can help you, and other utter nonsense they will tell you. You can follow them, let them unravel your rational mind, let them seed you with grandiose ideas, and fanciful supernatural beliefs, and let them tell you they you are now a member of the elite ones. And when you mentally unravel, as surely you will, and go into psychosis and get admitted to hospital again they still wont care for you, probably wont even come to visit you in hospital. Then they will tell you that your episode was some supernatural attack or part of a mystic esoteric initiation process, or some such rubbish. And so they will just start doing the same thing to you all over again.
I say that you are healthier than they are, for you are flexible, but they are set in their ways.
You have a delicate and fragile mind - we know this because you have suffered mental illness and been hospitalised with psychosis. Your family history further increases your risk. Your mind needs nurturing to health, it needs careful looking after, healthy structure supporting it, a wholesome engagement with reality through practical activities, the practice of clear and structured thinking, and the development of virtues that grow naturally from good friendships with good people. This is you best and safest way forward. Ordinary living, with wholesome interests and activities, and good friends, never made anyone's mental illness worse, but only improved them.
But what I say is only an opinion and a suggestion; it is not an order, nor can anyone order you. I can only offer what I believe is in your best interest. You have your own freewill; you are free to do as you please.
Talk it over with someone kind and sensible. You may print these posts and re-read them, and discuss your options and thoughts with your psychiatrist, or with the psych nurses at the hospital. Seek sensible advice.
I just reread this post. I have been praying recently and my life has taken a turn for the better. I'm still fascinated by mystical practices such as astral projection and clairvoyance, but I figure that if I'm ready for it, it'll happen regardless of whether or not I get involved with any sort of spiritual organization. I wouldn't call any sort of supernatural experience demonic, as that seems like unfounded fear and kind of an extreme opinion, but all I know is that something I was wrapped up in was either extremely dangerous or outright malicious. The only two organizations being Freemasonry and B.O.T.A. Possibly it was just the fact that I was a bit careless in regards to spiritual issues, but I have a hard time believing anything that could result in demonic oppression and then nearly death comes from God. But I don't mind at all if someone disagrees with my opinion on that-- it's just what I experienced.